Ben There, Done That

So what's the first thing a thirteen-year-old vegetarian does after two weeks in exotic South America?

Sprint to the Miami Airport Starbucks for a vanilla latte and to Pizza Hut for a pepperoni personal pan oh-my-god-i-missed-you-so-much pizza.

To be fair, the kid does politely down whatever the locals of Argentina, Uruguay and Brazil put in front of him, which amounts to his body weight in meat. Resigned to his fate but resilient, he accepts the fact that, "Beef. It's what's for dinner," slathers on the ketchup and closes his eyes as he chews.

Yes, he scarfs pepperoni on a regular basis at home, but no chicken, pork or beef, rationalizing that the aforementioned pizza topping is not "real" food, and therefore doesn't count as meat, anyway.

Oh, yeah, and he manages to perform and tour the cityscapes and countryside of such places as Buenos Aires, Rio and Paraty, soaking in the language, culture and humidity.

A Fine and Pleasant Misery

Hiking Part II of Summer Break '06 gets spent seeking Misery.

Mount Misery, one of the 50 highest peaks in Eastern Washington, stands at 6,366 feet in the Blue Mountains.

On the 5 a.m. journey toward the trailhead, two hundred-plus head of elk, barrel over the horizon, greeting us in a wheat field as they trek to the Tucannon for a drink. With temperatures in the 100s for the past week, cool river water is at a premium.

If only we'd remember that the cell phone (not the bow tie--sorry, Simon and Garfunkle) is really a camera!

Chalk up the suppressed desire to document to sunrise senility, and shock and awe, at the sight of at least four eight-point bucks, silhouetted in the sunlight, and too many does and yearlings to count.

Upon recalling this wildlife adventure to Papa Larry, he counters with his own Misery-filled memory of yesteryear....

Larry, the late, great Grandpa Ed and the brothers Leaf, tromp around Mount Misery hunting for elk, the meat that would sustain them for a long, harsh winter many moons ago.

Chilled to the bone and knock-knee tired, they bed down in an old, abandoned barn for the night. As they settle in, the men hear rustling overhead and spy a pack rat perched on a beam in the moonlight.

The rodent of unusual size reaches for a glass filled with liquid; Great Uncle Leaf reaches for his gun.

A scream pierces the night.

It's Grandpa Ed. Is he shot?

No, he just shouts, "Don't shoot--my teeth are in that glass!"

Hair Today, Gorgeous Tomorrow

Nicole, embarking on a new life, entrusts her hair, wardrobe and house to a pair of fashionistas--Rach and Grace.


Phase One: The Hair
The requisite Poorly Lit Before Photo of the downtrodden victim--er, beneficiary!--of the Makeover Mob's attentiveness and expertise.






The various phases of emergent beauty, hidden under the tresses and stresses of the eighties and nineties.






The smiling, happy client, in the Glowing After Photo, ready to seek enlightenment, or at least stylin' furniture, at the Macy's home sale with her personal shopper.

Climb Every Mountain

13...13...39...hike!

Thirteen days without the 13-year-old, staring my age square in the eye and hearing the call of the wild. The Cascades beckon, and I obey.


Day 1: Leavenworth--the Alpine village, not the prison. Walk along the Wenatchee River after Jaegerschnitzel yummies. Sehr gut, meine Liebchen!









Day 2: Mount Rainier, the spirit god to the Cascade Indians, who rightfully feared and revered the volcano for its ability to appear and disappear in the sky at will, depending on the moisture and mist of the season. Visible from below only 90 days per year, the 14,408-foot behemoth welcomes, clear and proud, on a hot summer's day.



The long and winding road to Sunrise Point.












Glacial footprint along Sourdough Ridge shows the geologic activity that formed the region.






Lupine fill the subapline meadow with color and life.









Sunrise Ridge taunts, "Cross me if you dare." And we do.








Lunch of PBJ and Ruffles on Dege Peak, elevation 7006', staring the giant in the face is a great reward for a morning's work.








Day 3a: Snoqualmie Falls. Memo to self: save the protein bars for the Apocalypse. And avoid trails acessible enough for bad moms with toddlers who took a day off from wailing at Walmart to deposit their decibels at the clifftop.

Carefree toddler noise, good. Grumpy mommy who counts, bad--1...get over here!...2...I said now!...3...

I want to whisper, like the creepy guy in Willy Wonka, to toddler: take the Snoqualmie Rail Tour and throw mama from the train!

Day 3b: Feeling robbed of the day's meditative challenge, buy trekking poles (let's hear it for junior poles, found in the Munchkin corner of REI, next to the Special Little Trekker hydration packs and Small Hikers are People Too footwear).

Blaze through Riverside State Park, hellbent on washing that mom right outta my hair.

Redemption comes on a ridge, dripping in the 9 p.m.-still-84-degree heat, awestruck by a vibrant, orange sunset.

Three Men and a Bogey

Deconstructing obsession: find three guys who love to golf. Give them the fore!-midable challenge of golfing 108 holes in 72 hours: 36 at Moses Pointe, 18 at the Links,18 at Circling Raven. Seventy-two, so far.




Add equal parts unrelenting sun and bartending bravado. Indulge in Absolut excess and stir.



Arise the next day and go for 36 at Indian Canyon. Trudge along in the morning, after having performed an exorcism of the spirits of a nondivine kind. Make like a homeless man, lie down on the greens and take a little nap, say for an hour, being ever the gentleman and allow others to play through.

Up your handicap to 14. Go, Duffers!

Red, White and Vindaloo

On this Fourth, Cindy and gang declared independence from hot dogs and hamburgers and the gathering feasted on Asian, German and Italian food. As dusk set in, we were treated to belly dancing al fresco by Ronni, a beautiful, talented preteen from India.

The sky lit up after sunset--super sparks provided by Parks and Rec and a lightning show by Mother Nature.

The celebration with an international flair was an all-American spectacular.